Living Life in the City
Anything is possible
heart transplant, inspirational story, organ transplant
Happy Easter from our Family to Yours
I woke up this morning at 4:00 a.m., could not sleep anymore. I was just laying there and my mind was going in all directions. In the past five years, this will be our third Easter in the hospital. I am having a hard time wrapping my head around that. I say to myself "wow, how can that be possible, where has the time gone".
Just like the two other times, my daughter-in-law Katie and my son Mikey will be bringing us up Easter dinner. It is what it is, we make the best of the day. Every Easter Lauren prepares for Maddie's Easter egg hunt. Lauren's Auntie Shelley, when our children were little would do a Easter egg hunt at her house. A lot of thought went into it, she would write clues as to where to the eggs were. It wasn't just run around to find eggs, they really had to think of what the next clue meant then look for it. Ever since Maddie was able to read, Lauren has continued the tradition.
The clues have been written, and permission has been given to hide the eggs around the hospital floor, even at the nurses station. Lauren's sickness may have taken us out of our home, but it will not get in the way of having a Easter Day.
My sister Laureen is here with us, I haven't spent a holiday with her in over 20 plus years. Lauren lives in Florida, she will be missing her family today, but I am glad she is here with us.
May I vent??
Last night Lauren wanted to take a walk before going to bed, we call it our lap. We walk through 9 west that is her side into 9 east which is IUC. Everything was good, then one of the nurses in ICU stopped us (Lauren knows everyone) and said "What's going on?" We both looked at her, and said "what are you talking about"? Shen then went on to say " I heard your heart has gotten weaker". We said "yes, but the doctor's have assured us there is still more room to work with, with her meds". Lauren and I looked at each other, but I could see in Lauren's eyes fear. As we continued our walk, we pasted rooms with other patients on life support machines, and to be honest it really made me feel weak in my knee's. When we left the unit, Lauren needed to take a break before going back to her room. She said to me " mom, I am so scared, also I am so afraid of waking up with a tracheotomy". When your child is scared, a mother's natural instinct is to reassure your child you will be OK. I looked at her, gave her a hug and told her she is so much stronger now than last time.
To have to live this type of life sucks, to say it mildly, but to have to live it again really sucks. I would have used different words, but I want to stay family friendly.
Being here you see so much pain, not only with your loved one, but so many other families are dealing with their own heartache.
Some people have mentioned to me stop being a "Debbie Downer", but at this point it is getting harder to not be depressed with our lives now. The heartache I feel, the anger of why is this happening, is building inside of me. I tell my sister Laureen, if I am outside and someone was to approach me, God help THEM. I have so much anger and fear, a stranger is my perfect target to let lose.
Needed to get that off my chest. Time for another coffee.
Thank you everyone for all the Love & Support